Friendships, Joy and an Anniversary

Past December posts have included photos and stories about the ornaments on my tree. This year there are three new additions and they each bring their own story.  

This year's Mount Vernon ornament is of George Washington kneeling in prayer. Over the course of 2025, I have said many prayers for friends and family members. Those Prayers were not always answered.  Over the past few days,  the losses I experienced break through the festivities and happy times and tinge it with sadness. 

The next ornament was from a friend of 30+ years. This time of year, the value of those long time friendships means so much. This friend came from a time before cancer and has remained by my side when I was diagnosed and is still part of my life's journey today.  It sounds cliche' but those friendships are a blessing. 

Since my cancer recurrence I moved to a small  55+ community. The move 15 years ago has brought new people into my life. These neighbors have become friends. We go out to dinner regularly,  we play pickleball and hang out at the pool and laugh and share our reviews of the new restaurants in town. They haven't walked my entire cancer cancer journey but they have added a sparkle and joy to my life. One of these new friends gave me the ornament you see below.

 

I hope that your friends, old and new, will bring you JOY this holiday season. 

On December 30th, I celebrate the 18th Anniversary of this blog. I am not as consistent now as I was during the first ten years of blogging to post but please stick around! In the new year, I'll be writing posts on newly approved FDA drugs for treating ovarian cancer, antibody drug conjugates currently in clinical trials and the importance of biomarkers and genetic testing in cancer patients. 

Wishing you all a Happy and Healthy New Year. See you in 2026!

 

Dee

Every Day is a Blessing!  

We Talked...

Earlier this week I met my friend, Sandy, for lunch. Sandy and I first meet when we attended the Gynecologic Cancer Support Group meetings at our cancer center in 2007. We were both diagnosed in 2005 with stage 3 serous epithelial ovarian cancer. We became friends and have stayed in touch even though Sandy now lives half the year in the Florida Keys.  Since she returns to NJ for the summer, we took this opportunity to get together.

Our lunch conversation was not about politics or the heat wave. Nope we talked about our gynecologic oncologists and our nurses. Even after more than ten years, those doctors and nurses still play an important role in our lives. Both our doctors are practicing in different locations now. So we talked about what went into the decision to stay at our cancer center or follow them to their new locations. Not an easy decision at all.

Then we talked about how even 11 years out,  we still worry about a recurrence. We laughed about how we can't multi-task any longer because when we do, we forget things. We weren't talking about forgetting where we left our keys or glasses. We were talking about finding the right words / names for things. We talked about how on some days we still need to nap because we are too exhausted to function properly. We talked about how our toes are still numb and how we can literally trip over our own feet- and it is not the shoes we are wearing.  We talked about how we still get nervous when we need to have our blood drawn for our CA-125 level. We talked about gaining weight. Do you feel bloated? ( One of the signs of ovarian cancer.) We talked about how neither of us have had a CT scan in over 2 years. Should we get one? We don't want to expose ourselves to the radiation but we know that for us that is the only way we will find a recurrence. Decisions, Decisions.

I talked about my advocacy work and she talked about her paintings and recent gallery exhibits. We talked about our families. We have been blessed and we have accomplished a lot over the past 11 years.

Then we talked about Pam and Sharon and Rita Kay and others from our support group. We can't understand why we are two of the lucky ones- women who have lived ten plus years after an ovarian cancer diagnosis. Sure we try to exercise more and eat better - less red meat , more fruits and vegetables but nothing dramatic.

Honestly, we don't know why we are still alive... and why our friends are not...eleven years later.


Dee
Every Day is a Blessing! Blessed to be celebrating my 11th cancerversary on July 29th.

Mixed Emotions

Sometimes I find myself so deep in my advocacy work and spending time with family ( my son and his wife visited for a few days)  that I don't have time to write blog posts. I apologize to my readers. 

This past weekend, I attended events for two ovarian cancer organizations. The Teal Tea Foundation (TT) held their 10th Anniversary Gala on Saturday.  And the Kaleidoscope of Hope (KOH) Foundation  held their Annual Awards Luncheon on Saturday. Both NJ based foundations raise funds for ovarian cancer research and awareness.

But in the post will not be writing about the wonderful work these foundations do each and every year.  Rather, I want to share how I felt as one of the survivors in the room.

When I arrive at each one, I am proud. Proud to be involved in organizations that are making a difference.  I am hopeful. Hopeful for the future as I listen to the researchers talk about their work.  Yet, I am sad. So sad that I at times I have to hold back tears. 

Why? You're healthy you say. You should feel good. Yes,  that is true but surviving without your friends by your side is difficult at times.

My friends, three in particular, whose lives were lost due to a gynecologic cancer, were missing from these events - Anne, Shari and Carole. But do you know who was there? Their husbands - Don, Dave and Bob.

I watched the faces of these supportive caregivers as their wives were honored and again as they watched survivors receive a special gift. I glance at my husband who had that look - knowing that he was thinking how it might have been him. 

Don't get me wrong it was wonderful to see Don, Dave and Bob. They knew me during those "no Hair Days". But I got well and their wives did not. So in a way the relationship changed.

It is hard to describe the nervousness and funny feeling I get in the pit of my stomach when I first see these men.  Sometimes I worry about what I will say. Do I remind them of a time filled with pain? I'm not sure what I am feeling - survivors guilt maybe?

I haven't seen Don since last year's TT event. We reminisced over the times he brought Anne to support group because she wasn't well enough to drive herself. He told me how he loved hearing all of us laugh at those meetings as he sat in a nearby lounge. That funny feeling started to go away.  Don smiled as I told him about the heron who regularly visits the pond behind my home. Anne loved herons and asked that we think of her when we see one. I think of her a lot. 

It took me until the last 15 minutes of the TT Gala to walk up to Dave. Shari passed away July, 2014. Like Don, the last time  I saw him was last year's TT event.  I walked up to him and said, " I was friends with... " he stopped me mid-sentence and said "Sure I know who you are. Dee, how are you doing?"  and I got big hug and the funny feeling went away. We talked about our families and he repeated more than once how strongly he feels that supporting research is the only way we can make a difference in the lives of women diagnosed with ovarian cancer. I totally agree. Together we are focused on finding a cure.

I've seen Bob a number of times since Carole passed away in February. We both now serve on the Board of KOH. One of the reasons I returned to the Board of KOH was because of Carole and her dream of finding a detection test and a cure. I am happy that I will be working with Bob because we are on the same page when it comes to the importance of research . Seeing him more frequently  keeps the funny tummy feeling from kicking into high gear. 


At events like these two I especially feel the loss of these women but I am glad that I have the chance to see their husbands and families, even if it means I feel such mixed emotions.

I know there are bereavement groups but does anyone know of a group / organization the reaches out to the countless partners, spouses and family members whose loved ones lives were taken by ovarian cancer?

Dee
Every Day is a Blessing! Blessed to know that Teal Tea and Kaleidoscope of Hope Foundations are focusing their efforts on research.

Hitting the DELETE button

I upgraded my phone the other day. In case the data transfer did not work correctly, I decided to go through my contacts and make sure I had all the important phone numbers.

Right up front under letter B was Jeanne Burton. We met each other at the Rutgers Cancer Institute of NJ support group . We talked a few times by phone but once she moved back to Maine it was mostly texts and e-mails.  She would text me updates- "Found a palliative care doctor", "really like my new oncologist" and " you should come visit" .  I wrote about her move to Maine  here. I regret never getting up to Maine before she passed on June 21, 2015. I wrote about the choices she made here.  I deleted her contact info.

Then under C was Courtney Clifford.  Courtney and I became friends in 2006 at the LiveSTRONG Survivors Summit. She experienced the same symptoms I did and was diagnosed a few months after I was.  The difference was she was 23 years old and I was 50. She was the youngest woman I had ever met who had ovarian cancer. We kept in touch through the years and saw each other at the 2008 LiveSTRONG Summit in Ohio her home state. I appreciated her long distance friendship. Sadly I had to write about her passing in 2012 (http://womenofteal.blogspot.com/2011/02/courtney-1982-2011.html) . I deleted her cell phone number.

I got to the letter F and there she was - Pam Favocci. I met Pam at the Rutgers Cancer Institute of NJ Support Group. Over the years we became close friends and together we took part in many awareness activities together. On December 14th she will be gone 3 years.  I honored her in A Friendship Ended Too Soon. I deleted her home number.

Then I got to J and there was Linda Juarez. A few years ago my gyn onc asked if I would talk to Linda. Out of that simple introduction a friendship grew. We both recurred in 2008 and that brought us even closer. We had late night phone calls about clinical trials and texts would arrive during her frequent hospital visits.  She passed in May this year and I  wrote about her here. I deleted her number.

I was a bit surprised when I got to T and I found Rita Kay Thomas' phone number. I forgot I had her phone number in my phone. When I was in college I first met Rita Kay - she was the Assistant Athletic Director. Who knew that our paths would cross 30+ years later. Ovarian Cancer took this amazing woman too soon in October 2012. I wrote about our friendship here. I deleted her number.

I thought about each of those women as I deleted their numbers.

I hated doing it because such a simple action triggered a deep sadness.


Dee
Every Day is a Blessing

I feel so ...

I know I haven't posted in a while. Actually, I've been working on this post for a while editing and adding to it. 

A few weeks ago a very dear friend's husband passed away from prostate cancer. I knew he had no treatment options left but it still came as a shock to me. He had been a vibrant 61 year old who had retired to spend time with his wife, children and grandchildren.

It sure didn't seem fair. Cancer does that - it takes good people. Don't get me wrong I am sure it takes the lives of not so great people too. But it is torture for those with cancer and those on the journey with us.

My first thought when I heard the news was what it would be like for me if my rock, my husband of 37 years, passed away.  I don't know how I would handle it. How could I get through a funeral. And then what would happen the first time I couldn't open a jar or move a piece of furniture ? Or what happens when I feel sick and still have to walk Amber in the rain or snow? Or how do I make meals for one?

But them another odd feeling came over me. How could I face my friend.  How could I, NED for 5 years since my recurrence face my friend. Would she look and me and think - why are you still here and my husband is gone?

I felt wary of going to the wake and seeing her for the first time since her husband's death. I hesitated getting out of the car and entering the funeral home. I  waited on line and finally reached her two sons. They called me by name gave me a hug and thanked me for coming. Then I moved over to my friend. She teared up - and so did I as we hugged and I told her how sorry I was. Then she told me that she prays for me every day because having cancer sucks.Yes, it sure does. But she wasn't angry at me and that made me feel so much better.

But I continued thinking about my friend and her husband and even mentioned them during my monthly gynecologic cancer support group. When it came to my turn to update everyone I told the group how unnerving it was for me, a survivor, to face my friend when her husband died. Then I asked the women, a majority are currently in treatment, if it was OK for them to hear my reports on being NED.  At times I felt guilty about being in good health among all these women struggling to make treatment decisions and dealing with side effects. Every single one of them said they were happy I was at the group and that my presence gave them hope. Those words brought tears to my eyes and I could once again bury my survivor's guilt for a little while longer.

Cancer changes your life and your outlook on life in more ways than you can imagine.

Dee
Every Day is a Blessing!

Losses and Friendship

friend

noun \ˈfrend\

: a person who you like and enjoy being with

: a person who helps or supports someone or something (such as a cause or charity)

 

 

That is the definition I found in the online Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. 

Since the day before Thanksgiving four women I know have died due to ovarian cancer. Only one of them have I actually met in person and that was only for about an hour. But I reacted to their deaths as if they were friends from work or church or my neighborhood.

I have heard people remark that you can not be close to people you only know online and you can't be friends. I will admit I get a bit annoyed when people say that. Three of the women were members of two different groups for ovarian cancer survivors on Facebook and one I met on Twitter first and then friended her on Facebook and eventually met her in person. One woman lived in Engand. Another was the mother of Cynthia ( also an ovarian cancer survivor). But for me my online friends fit the second friend definition of "helping and supporting someone." These women were no different than women I have met in person at various ovarian cancer awareness or education events. or at conferences or courses. Afterward we stay in touch through e-mail, support groups or phone calls.

We meet because of our disease but bonded as we supported each other and shared information about treatments, side effects or  how to emotionally handle the stress of scan time. And as with other friendships along the way you learn other things about the person such as the shows they like to watch on TV, books they like to read, where they were born, what work they do, where they went to college and what their hobbies are. So it really is the same process of building a friendship as if you had met in person.

I value each and every one of the women I have met in person as well as those I only know on social media. Our numbers are not as large as those diagnosed with other cancers but we are strong and want to make connects in person and online and their is value to both.

RIP - Benita, Cheryl, Elaine, Barbara I was honored to have known you.


Dee
Every Day is a Blessing!



Well

The Friends You Make

I am a member of a private group on Facebook. We from the US and the United Kingdom and are ovarian cancer survivors.

Kim lived close to me in Delaware. Over the past 3+ years we became friends. Kim was a special lady.  When another woman in the group, L,  had problems getting insurance in her state Kim wrote a letter to the governor on her behalf. She spearheaded an effort to help L's daughters when she passed. She was always ready to offer support in any way she could. She gave me her list of favorite Bible quotes. Those that gave her strength and hope. Over time I learned she loved wrestling. I watch it with my husband on Monday nights. I remember a series of posts back and forth on Facebook about the wrestler Fandango in the WWE. She made me laugh.

This morning on Facebook I read that Kim succumbed to the disease. Although we had never met in person I felt the same way I did when I learned friends from my support group had passed.  The disease caused our paths to cross online and we became friends. My one regret. That I never got a chance to give her a hug in person.

Rest in Peace my friend.


Dee
Every Day is a Blessing! I am blessed to have had Kim in my life.

It Never Is Easy

It is never easy to lose a friend.

Ann came into my life when she joined the Gynecologic Cancer Support Group at the Cancer Institute of NJ. She joined our group when she was diagnosed with endometrial cancer. The treatments for endometrial cancer involve surgery, chemotherapy and radiation and are a bit different than for ovarian cancer but we were happy to have her join us.

I learned a lot from Ann. I learned about Brachy therapy. I learned about the strength we can muster when faced with cancer as well as other medical issues. Ann asked tough questions of her doctors and expected answers that covered all aspects of her care. She coordinated the care provided by her gynecologic-oncologist , her surgeon, her kidney specialist,  her radiation oncologists and did it with courage and  humor.

We both attended the June 2009 CINJ Survivors Day event with our husbands and celebrated our survivorship. Over time we started to call, write e-mails or text in between our monthly support group meetings. We talked about treatments and  scan results, but we also shared stories about our children and our houses and our cars. I visited her when she was in the hospital with a broken leg. She offered words of advice and support via e-mail when I was in Kansas when my grandson was first born and spent time in the NICU unit.

I texted her on the 21st- "Thinking of u wearing the necklace u made me to a fundraiser in New Brunswick. Hugs" . Yesterday Ann lost her battle with cancer. You can read more about Ann here.

I was blessed to have Ann be a part of my life. My thoughts and prayers are with her husband, Don, and children.

Dee
Every Day is a Blessing!

A Different Kind of Girls Night Out

Tuesday was a busy day filled with lots of friends.

The day began with Girls Night Out (GNO) with a twist. Instead of meeting at a restaurant for dinner, all the ladies in my GNO group met at one ladies home at the Jersey Shore. It is an annual August event for us. We met other when our children were in grade school together. I've only been in the monthly group since 2003 but I have known these wonderful ladies for years.

Girls Day at the Beach began with lunch and a short walk to the beach. Bathing suit on, sitting in our folding chairs, we gathered together in a big circle and chatted. We spoke about our children & grandchildren, about our tax bills due at the end of the month and about the latest book we read. In this group there is no jealously, every single woman is genuinely happy for the good news we share with each other. But we don't only share the good we share our painful experiences too and offer advice.

After about an hour on the beach the rain began. We laughed as we sat there initially in a light drizzle saying it would blow over. Well, the rain got harder and we heard a clap of thunder so we picked up our chairs and walked the short block back to the house. Once inside we lamented about how the rain was wrecking our day at the beach but as the conversation restarted we forgot all about the rain. Who ran into whom. Whose car was in the shop. Who is looking to buy a new home. What we have on our bucket list. What wonderful conversation. As the clock struck 4:30 I sadly bid my farewell. How I love these women. Women brought together by our children, who remain friends even as our children have children of their own.

After a bite to eat at home I went to my cancer support group. I have been going to this group since 2007 when it formed. It is moderated by a wonderful social worker. These women are brought together by their gynecologic cancer diagnosis yet we have become friends. We have ovarian, endometrial, uterine and vulvar cancer survivors. Some women , who are BRCA1 & 2have had both breast and ovarian cancer. Some ladies are newly diagnosed and in treatment, in active treatment for a recurrence and some are in remission. We gather for an hour and a half once a month to share our stories and how we feel both mentally and physically . Most of us are from my cancer center yet we welcome with open arms others like ourselves from other hospitals and cancer centers. We have all become close friends.

These friends know diagnostic test names, how to interpret test results, chemotherapy drug names & numerous treatment options. We discuss the pros and cons of different types of ports. But it is not always an easy group of friends to be with. I say that because in this group we hear what some would say are scary things and very sad things. We hear when cancer has returned. (I've had to share that news once already.) We hear a friend's cancer is growing and not responding to a drug. We hear about serious reactions to the drugs that are making us better. We hear about transfusions and low blood counts. We hear about drug shortages and postponed treatment. We hear when the decision has been made to stop treatment and spend time with family.

But we hear good news. We hear a tumor is shrinking, we see when a friend's hair is growing back and the scars that are healing. We hear about trips to Colorado, Alaska & Florida and get excited about future trips to Italy. We share photos from our children's graduations and weddings. We celebrate the birth of grandchildren. We raise awareness of ovarian cancer and attend survivor's day celebrations together. Sometimes our social worker has to almost kick us out the door because we want to talk more to each other. So many times we continue our conversations and updates by e-mail.

Some people will ask me why I still attend a support group since I am in remission. What they don't understand is that the women in this group are my friends. We just have a different kind of Girls Night Out.

Dee

Every Day is a Blessing! I am bless to be friends with some very special women.

Time with Friends

Over the past five years I have taken on this attitude that if there is an opportunity to spend time with family or friends or to experience new things I jump at the opportunity. I don't think so much any more about how long it will take, how tired I will be or what else I should be doing, I just jump at the opportunity. Take last weekend for example.

We have been friends with the Pics for quite some time. We used to live on the same block in Edison. Then the Pics moved to North Carolina. But the distance did not cause our friendship to end but rather it has flourished for close to 25 years now . We vacation together, spend holidays together & celebrate our children's milestones . Linda and I speak on the phone frequently most times for over an hour. We watched their daughter Christina marry Chris in 2007. So we were thrilled to be invited to Christina's baby's christening even if it was in Charleston, South Carolina a 12 hour car ride away. ( See I wouldn't let the distance or the fact that we might get bad weather to stop us from going.)

Last Friday, Nick and I hopped in the car at 4:30 am and headed south on 95. We switched drivers every few hours but I think I did more sleeping than driving. We arrived to sunny skies and temperatures in the high 70's , certainly a nice change from the snow and cold we had been experiencing in NJ. We meet up with our friends and ate dinner overlooking a marina full of boats. ( You can't do that in Jersey this time of year.)

On a warm , sunny Saturday morning we heading to downtown Charleston. What a beautiful , friendly city. We visited the Market and took a horse-drawn carriage tour. What a fascinating history the city has - from plantations to pirates. And I love the brightly colored homes. We ate lunch at Magnolia's on East Bay. If you are ever in town be sure to stop in for some of their delicious food. I would rate their pecan pie the best I have ever tasted. Later that evening we headed to Christina's for dinner. It was there that I ate my very first steamed oyster. And I had the pleasure of opening it myself!

Sunday morning came and off we headed to the Cathedral of St John the Baptist for Mass and the Baptism. If you ever visit the cathedral you can't but help notice the beautiful stain glass windows. Christina's baby was so cute and well behaved in church. It was wonderful to be present at her baptism. Later, back at Christina's, we shared a wonderful meal with the Pics and Christopher's family. I wish that our time with the Pics could last longer but we were off early Monday morning back up 95 to snowy NJ.

I'm thankful that I had the opportunity to visit the beautiful city of Charleston, and eat steamed oysters. But the best part was spending time with such good friends.

Dee

Every Day is a Blessing!