Mixed Feelings During Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month

September is Ovarian Cancer Awareness Month. 

There is so much more information available today for women to learn and be aware of the disease than back in 2005 when I was first diagnosed .Ovarian cancer organizations are doing awareness campaigns and raising funds for research this month and throughout the year. I makes me so happy to see graphics like these on social media. (NOCC, OCRA, Sandy Rollman Ovarian Cancer Foundation, Michigan Ovarian Cancer Alliance and  Norma Leah Ovarian Cancer Initiative. 

 

Don't get me wrong I am so happy there is a month to highlight Gynecologic Cancers and  Ovarian Cancer in particular. But being a survivor during this month can be difficult. It brings a wide range of emotions from happiness to sadness to feelings of anxiety and gratefulness. It doesn't help that September is also the month for my annual visit to see my gyn onc.

It is a time where thoughts of my diagnosis, recurrence and treatments are front and center - every single day. 

It brings back memories of what it felt like to hear I had stage 3 ovarian cancer. I remember the issues I had  recovering from surgery, all the side effects from chemo and trying to find a new way to live as a cancer survivor. I think about feeling good about having a normal CA-125 yet finding out that a  CT scan showed a recurrence. I think about the decision I made to do surgery first and then chemo when I recurred. I think about the time I spent in the hospital when I had a serious reaction to the Carboplatin I took during recurrence.  I think about my feelings while in the hospital when I realized that I could no longer use a treatment that was the best for me. 

I am sad when I think about women who lost their lives to ovarian cancer through these past 16 years as I continued moving forward:

Gail, Lois, Sandy, Grace, Erika, Pamela, Rita Kay, Carol, Jean, Janice, Terry W, Shari...

I think of the women I have spoken to as a peer to peer support person for Cancer Hope Network. There  are some I no longer have to call or email. The connections are strong even if the only thing we had in common was our disease.

I think of my fellow survivors who deal every day with side effects from treatment and fear of recurrence.  There are those who have had multiple recurrences and have had multiple different types of treatment We support each other because we "get it". Thank you to each and every one of them in my little network in NJ and online. 

 I am grateful for the gynecologic oncologists, nurse practitioners, social workers and pharmacist who treat women. And lastly I am grateful for all those researchers who chose to make their life's work understand how ovarian cancer develops and spreads and the best way to treat it. 

So as I work through these feeling during this year's awareness month, I wish you good health. 

Take care,

Dee

Every Day is a blessing! I am blessed to have family by my side through it all.

 

A Multitude of Feelings

September came to an end at here we are at almost the midpoint of October. I had been thinking about this post for quite a long time now but was unsure of how to even begin.

In a book I was reading by Elizabeth Berg one of the characters stated she had a multitude of feelings and I thought to myself that is just what I need to call my post about September.

September brings a multitude of feelings to me. I love the Fall so the crisp cooler air is wonderful.  The September of 2005 I was just getting my head around being diagnosed with stage 3b ovarian cancer. I was in 2nd / 3rd cycle of chemotherapy and I remember the windows being open and hearing kids outside playing while I rested.

September also brings out the teal ribbons and walks and other events to raise awareness of ovarian cancer. I have seen an increase in the number of buildings that turn teal so many times during September and that makes me happy.

 At one event I to took part in I told a story about how the support group at my cancer center started and I felt proud to be a part of exactly the type of support other women diagnosed with ovarian cancer need. I was so happy to talk about my gyn oncs who spearheaded my advocacy work by pointing me toward the LiveSTRONG organization.  But during the talk I also mentioned my sister who died from breast cancer in 1995. Right as I said those words I knew I was tearing up.  I had to stop take a big deep breath and continue. Yes,  all these years later I still miss picking up the phone and talking to her.

At the final KOH walk, while walking along the Jersey shore boardwalk I was overwhelmed by the fact that here it was 2019 and I was alive. I had beat the odds and in the 35% of women diagnosed with late stage ovarian cancer who lived 5 years. And I felt grateful for my family and friends and especially my "teal sisters"  who walk this cancer journey with me. They understand how years later I can still be anxious and even scared when I need bloodwork or have a doctor visit. Sure I deal with neuropathy , digestive issues and chemo brain but gosh darn it I am still here!

I was glad going into the last event a fundraiser to support research in Ovarian Cancer at my cancer center. This one was run by my friends at Graceful Hope Foundation. Seeing the support and old friends was wonderful. But there is always that time during the dinner when we have to remember those women who died due to ovarian cancer . And they mentioned Dawn. And it hit me again I shook my head up and down and teared up as I thought we lost yet another wonderful mother , sister and friend . It is sad to think back to all the women brought together by this disease who were my friends -  Gail, Lois, Patty, Sharon, Pam, Rita Kay, Carole, Janice, Corinne, Linda Ellen, Jayne and many more.

Even after so many years I experience a multitude of feelings in September.

Dee
Every Day is a Blessing!

Losses and Friendship

friend

noun \ˈfrend\

: a person who you like and enjoy being with

: a person who helps or supports someone or something (such as a cause or charity)

 

 

That is the definition I found in the online Merriam-Webster.com dictionary. 

Since the day before Thanksgiving four women I know have died due to ovarian cancer. Only one of them have I actually met in person and that was only for about an hour. But I reacted to their deaths as if they were friends from work or church or my neighborhood.

I have heard people remark that you can not be close to people you only know online and you can't be friends. I will admit I get a bit annoyed when people say that. Three of the women were members of two different groups for ovarian cancer survivors on Facebook and one I met on Twitter first and then friended her on Facebook and eventually met her in person. One woman lived in Engand. Another was the mother of Cynthia ( also an ovarian cancer survivor). But for me my online friends fit the second friend definition of "helping and supporting someone." These women were no different than women I have met in person at various ovarian cancer awareness or education events. or at conferences or courses. Afterward we stay in touch through e-mail, support groups or phone calls.

We meet because of our disease but bonded as we supported each other and shared information about treatments, side effects or  how to emotionally handle the stress of scan time. And as with other friendships along the way you learn other things about the person such as the shows they like to watch on TV, books they like to read, where they were born, what work they do, where they went to college and what their hobbies are. So it really is the same process of building a friendship as if you had met in person.

I value each and every one of the women I have met in person as well as those I only know on social media. Our numbers are not as large as those diagnosed with other cancers but we are strong and want to make connects in person and online and their is value to both.

RIP - Benita, Cheryl, Elaine, Barbara I was honored to have known you.


Dee
Every Day is a Blessing!



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