Memories and Change

One thing I can say on this journey with cancer is that Change is Inevitable. 

In 2006,  after I finished treatment for ovarian cancer,  I started attending a gyn cancer support group at  The Wellness Community of Central New Jersey which later became the Cancer Support Community of Central NJ  and is now Crossroads 4 Hope. I was so happy to be with other women who had been diagnosed with a gynecologic cancer. They "got it". I would drive from Edison to Bedminster to touch base with some amazing and inspiring women.  I attended art classes that were offered, educational sessions and my favorite presentation "Bogeyman in the Closet "dealing with the worries of recurrence.

I stopped attending the group during my recurrence and started up again when I finished treatment.

As my advocacy work grew, I not only attended the support group but also made presentations to other cancer survivors too. In 2008, after attending two LiveSTRONG Survivor Summits, I presented Advocacy 101. In 2011, I spoke on Reading Between The Lines in which I offered advice on how to critically read cancer research news.  In March 2012, I presented Survivor to Survivor: Understanding Cancer Research, on understanding how researchers report trial results in journal articles. 

After moving further from Bedminster,  I missed a number of in-person meetings but managed to attend a few every year. I loved this group. There were a few women who had been going for a number of years like me and a new group but it didn't really matter because there was always an atmosphere of strong support and understanding. 

When the Covid Pandemic started all the groups were switched to online Zoom meeting. I once again joined in.  The women in this group were newly diagnosed ovarian cancer and endometrial cancer survivors. I was the "old timer". We spent time talking about treatments, and genetic testing along with Covid testing, masking, vaccinations and our higher risk of contracting Covid. We lost two women during Covid. Although I never met them in person, I still felt their loss. 

In December,  the last meeting of the gyn cancer support group was held. There were 3 women in person and two of us online. The five of us were the core group on Zoom during Covid. There is hope to have some special programs for gyn cancer survivors in the future. In the meantime we can stay in touch through email. I am sad but understand the reasons for stopping and I appreciate the opportunity to have met so many amazing women and their families too, through this support  group.

Today as I was checking my contact list on my cell phone for a friend's number,  I ran across Lois's number, then Dawn's , then Carol's , then Rosemary's, then Diane's.  All these women were friends and their lives were cut short due to ovarian cancer. Some of them almost 10 years ago some two years ago.   I hesitated for a little bit as I came across each name. I thought of the impact they made in my life as survivors, advocates and friends. Wonderful memories of fundraising events sharing delicious food, meetings in the diner, support group meetings and KOH walks. We were all very different and I am not so sure our paths would have crossed if we had not all had a cancer diagnosis but I am so glad they did. 

Then I hit delete. I don't need their numbers, I just need the memories of having them in my life. 

Dee

Every Day is a blessing.

 

The Only Constant in Life

is Change!

The most recent change which makes me feel happy and sad at the same time involves a person who has played an important role in my journey with ovarian cancer.

Early last week I learned J, a social worker at my cancer center, was leaving. I am happy because she is making a move that is so wonderful for her and her family. But I am still sad because I will no longer see someone who has made my cancer survivorship easier.

J took care of the gynecologic cancer patients and facilitated the Gyn Cancer Support group. She has been instrumental in the success of this group for more than seven years. Because of her expertise as a social worker, she knew just when a patient needed the support of others and that is when she would tell them about the  support group and ask them to join us.

She also was involved in a number of patient programs at the cancer center including Survivors Day.  I served on the Survivors Day Planning Committee with her for a few years so I was able to see her creativity, her efforts to make the day special for patients and how well she got along with other cancer center staff and other survivors.

J was always there for me. I used to call her J- 911. If there was an emotional need all you had to do was call J-911 and she would be there with all the advice you needed to get you through the rough spots.  She was especially helpful to me when the deaths of friends in the support group deeply affected me. After seven years she was more to me that just a social worker she was a friend.

I wish only the best for J.


Dee
Every Day is a Blessing! J was such a blessing to me. 

Fortune Cookie Wisdom

The other day Nick and I went to one of our favorite Chinese food restaurants. At the end of the meal we were given two fortune cookies. Usually the advice is not too memorable and the lucky numbers only lucky if you actually play them. But after reading the fortunes we got this time I thought how applicable they are to a survivor's life- worrying about a recurrence, scans and CA-125 results and what changes caused by cancer will happen next .

"A day of worry is more exhausting than a week of work."
I admit I worry a lot . About my health, and my kids and grandson but I don't think I ever thought of it as exhausting. But you know it really is. When I worry I seem to be more tired. So I think this fortune is pretty accurate. So the next time I start worrying about something I can do nothing about I will try to find some other work to do like practicing with my dog Amber, painting or working in the gardening. They might not be exhausting work but much more productive than worrying.

"Change is not merely necessary to life. It is life." 
How true. If my life didn't change because of cancer I am sure it would have changed for some other reason. It might have changed for a good reason or something even worse than a cancer diagnosis - and yes I can think of things that would be worse.

I am not happy to be a cancer survivor. I didn't like loosing my hair or feeling fatigued. And I still don't enjoy having numb and painful toes but I am here enjoying my family and friends and the world around me and that is all that matters.

Have you any fortune cookie advice you would like to share?

Dee
Every Day is a Blessing!

Change- Change of Seasons, Change the Time, Change in Me

One thing about life is that there will always be change. Sometimes the change is slow. Sometimes it is so quick I want to shout out- "Slow Down".

I love the fall when the leaves change, the weather changes and we change the clock. Change is ok I just like it better when I'm the one who wants to change something. Don't we all.

Cancer caused a big change in my life. I was diagnosed - BAM - my life changed in an instant. Surgery and treatment happened but changing back to being free of disease well that went pretty slowly for me. I don't think I ever changed back to normal- at least the normal I had before I was diagnosed. I felt good but still had those side effects plus I felt I looked at things differently. No not rose-colored glasses but teal colored ones. I needed to make a difference in the world of ovarian cancer.

I was at my "new normal" for two and a half years and BAM I recurred. Another change - surgery and treatment and part way through a change in treatment ( you never can tell what changes this cancer stuff will cause!)

So I have spent the past year and a half getting back to my "new,new" normal. My feet still bother me and chemo-brain has really changed my thought process. I know what I want to say but I can't find the word or use the wrong word and don't even realize it. At a meeting this week I used bulletin board when I meant billboard. Yeah , I know both are boards but still it is a bit disconcerting.

My husband and I made a few good changes this year so far. We changed to a new home which now includes a new puppy. ( The photo above was taken 3 blocks from my new home.) I'm ready for some other changes too. I'll write about those soon.

Dee

Every Day is a Blessing! I am blessed by family and friends that did not change but rather stayed as my rocks on the journey.