A Powerful Memoir - Between Two Kingdoms

The first time I read the writings of  Suleika Jaouad was in her the NY Times column  "Life Interrupted" . She wrote about her leukemia diagnosis and treatments.  In 2022, I shared in this blog a piece Suleika wrote for Nancy's List ( https://nancyslist.org/). That post mentioned her best selling memoir, Between Two Kingdoms , A Memoir of a Life Interrupted.  Back then I added it to my Goodreads "Want to Read" list.

A few weeks ago while browsing a bookstore in Princeton, I saw the book, bought it and started reading it.

In the first few chapters I got to know more about Suleika's family and background. She attended Princeton University, right across the street from the Labyrinth bookstore where I purchased her book. As I read further along I started to dog ear the pages. I tend to do that with books I own so I can come back and reread or share the words. As you can see, I frequently dog eared pages in this book. 

 

Suleika's story as a young cancer patient and survivor is a powerful one. She found the perfect words to describe how she felt both physically and emotionally from diagnosis , through the various treatments and as a survivor. We are thrown into a system we know nothing about so we try to learn as much as we can. We are fatigued from treatments yet we want to still "do" things.   I remember feeling how life went on for others while I couldn't get out of bed. Or that others were annoyed over someone cutting the line at the food store while I wished I could get out there to the food store. Suleika stated is as - " The world is moving forward and I am stuck." So many times as I read the book I thought to myself - " I felt that way" even though my diagnosis was different and I was diagnosed at an older age. 

" To be a patient is to relinquish control- to your medical team and their decisions, to your body and its unscheduled breakdowns. Caregivers have a similar fate." The way in which Suleika described how her diagnosis, treatment and survivorship  affected her mother, father, brother (who provided the bone marrow for her transplant) and boyfriend was especially poignant. We survivors experience the disease, tests, treatments alone - yet our family is equally affected both emotionally and physically.    

Suleika described feelings of loss - facing infertility due to chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant. She shared the decision and the process to harvest her eggs. She was like so many young women diagnosed with ovarian cancer I have spoke who face infertility.

Especially moving was Suleika's description of the relationships that developed with other young adult  patients, in particular those who died because of their disease. " I think of how the Taj (MAHAL) embodies both love and grief. So did my friendship with Melissa . In life, I'm realizing, you don't get one without the other. "  I understand that so well with the loss of friendships that developed only because we were Teal sisters. I still miss and think about Rita Kay, Carole, Pamela, and so many more.

Suleika faced what so many of cancer patients do regarding being told we are NED ( No Evidence of Disease) and the fear of recurrence.  " The nagging voice in my head that whispered: Don't get too comfortable because one day I'm coming back".

I loved how Suleika learned to drive and took a cross country trip with her dog, Oscar,  to visit strangers who wrote her after reading her NYT column. I couldn't stop reading about each stop and the people - planned and unplanned - she met along the way . "May I be awake enough to notice when love appears and bold enough to pursue it withoug knowing where it will lead." 

As I read Suleika's website I learned she began painting while in the hospital and continues to paint. I started painting too when I in chemotherapy. She is having an art exhibit at the ART yard June 22 - September 22, 2024 in Frenchtown NJ. I regret having waited so long to read this book but I will make a point of going to see her art work. 

 This book  is a keeper and I highly recommend it. 

Thank you Suleika Jaouad for sharing your experience with all of us.

Dee

Every Day is a Blessing! 

Guest Post by Nancy's List - Meet Suleika Jaouad

I have been following Nancy's List for a few years. Nancy is an ovarian cancer survivor and founder of a non-profit to support persons living with cancer called Nancy's List. Her website( https://nancyslist.org/)  includes many valuable resources. She is @NancyNovack on Twitter. I invite you to check out her website and Twitter account.

A recent email from Nancy not only included an introduction to survivor and author Suleika Jaoud (@suleikajaouad) but also one of her exercises.  In her piece Suleika states that she reframes "the concept of New Year’s resolutions by writing my way through a five-part series of lists.  I hope you enjoy the read, lists and writing prompts as much as I do. Enjoy !

Thank you Nancy for allowing me to share this with my followers. 

Dee

Every Day is a Blessing ! 

 

From Nancy's List  email: 

I am honored to introduce you to Suleika Jaouad. I befriended Suleika many years ago and have always have been inspired and enlightened by her beautiful writing and most importantly, her soul. I want to share her very moving exercise that she shared today.

But first, a little about this lovely woman ...

Suleika’s career aspirations as a foreign correspondent were cut short when, at age 22, she was diagnosed with leukemia. She began writing her New York Times column “Life, Interrupted” from her hospital room at Sloan-Kettering, and has since become a fierce advocate for those living with illness and enduring life’s many other interruptions.

Suleika's essays have appeared in The New York Times Magazine, The Atlantic, The Guardian, Vogue, and NPR, among other publications. A highly sought-after speaker, her mainstage TED Talk was one of the ten most popular of 2019 and has nearly five million views.

She is the creator of the Isolation Journals, an artist-led community and publishing platform that cultivates creativity and fosters connection in the challenging times of the Covid-19 pandemic. She wishes to help others convert isolation into artistic solitude. Suleika calls it "transforming life-interruptions into creative grist." Over 100,000 people from around the world have joined.

Born in New York City to a Tunisian father and a Swiss mother, Suleika attended The Juilliard School's pre-college program for the double bass. She earned her BA with highest honors from Princeton University and an MFA in writing and literature from Bennington College.

Suleika is the author of the instant New York Times best-selling memoir, Between Two Kingdoms.

Suleika has been cancer-free for many years. But her leukemia has returned and she is likely facing another bone marrow transplant. She is in my heart.

And now, to Suleika ...

Hi friend,

In our household, the New Year is the most spiritually, creatively rich season. Jon and I both have rituals around it. In the days leading up, he always squirrels away in his studio with a sheepskin rug and some water for a period of fasting, and I recommit to my daily practice of breathwork and journaling — shocking, I know!

Right now, amid this newest wave of the pandemic, as I begin my second round of chemo, these practices continue to be a lifeline. This has been a seemingly endless season of difficulty and uncertainty for everyone — and yet, as is always the case, it has also contained so many moments of beauty and joy. Journaling is how I make sense of these contradictions and the countless ambiguities of life. It’s how I come to understand the world and my place in it, how I learn to carry all of it — the hard things as well as the wondrous ones. As for breathwork, it’s what keeps me from caterwauling and rending my garments while waiting in a multi-block covid test line.

At the threshold of a new year, I often find myself ruminating about the things I didn’t get done, what I wish I had accomplished, where I need to improve. It’s the voice of my inner critic, a voice I know all too well. To drown out her chatter, I crack the spine of a new journal and reframe the concept of New Year’s resolutions by writing my way through a five-part series of lists.

I start with an inventory of things that I’m proud of, big or small, to savor and celebrate all that unfolded in the last year.

I move on to a second list—of what I’m yearning for. Often in the process, I uncover desires not yet known.

The third list is a tough one but a cathartic one. I write down all the things that are causing me anxiety, from the most mundane inconveniences to looming existential dreads.

My fourth list is a toolkit of sorts. I reflect on all the hard things I’ve gotten through and jot down the resources, skills, and practices that saw me through and that I can return to and rely on in the new year.

My fifth and final list is my favorite: my wild ideas list. I set a timer for five minutes, and in a completely unedited stream of consciousness, I jot down every wild scheme, every grand plan, every creative idea that comes to mind, no matter how harebrained or unrealistic.



These lists are celebratory, energizing, exorcising, reassuring, and motivating. They quell my inner critic, reminding me that I’ve accomplished so much, that I know what I want, that I can face it all, that I have everything I need, and that I can dream as big as I dare.

Your prompt for the week:

In place of resolutions, journal your way into the New Year with five lists.

What in the last year are you proud of?

What did this year leave you yearning for?

What’s causing you anxiety?

What resources, skills, and practices can you rely on in the coming year?

What are your wildest, most harebrained ideas and dreams?

To know more about Suleika ... check out https://www.theisolationjournals.com/about

Disclaimer ... David and I did this exercise out loud and it was very exciting. Just thought you might be interested … 

With immense love and gratitude and wishes to Suleika for her deep healing,

Nancy