Some days during September I wake up feeling great. The sky is bright blue and cloudless. Temperatures start out cool and get a bit warmer as the day goes on. The weather here in NJ has been beautiful and I’m here to enjoy it.
Some mornings are just as beautiful but my mood is not as upbeat. With the bright sunny day also come the memories. I mentioned this to my husband yesterday as we took a ride to pick up some treats for our dog. I said I remember when we lived in Edison and I would put a cushion on the chair, wrap a blanket around my legs and sit out on the patio in the sun. I was in the midst of chemotherapy and couldn’t do much more than that. Some days I was so fatigued that I never made it outside but would sit by the window up in my bedroom just to get some sun on my face. I would hear the school bus drop off the kids next door. Life outside my room was normal but inside my room, well that was another story.
Some days I wake up ready to spread awareness. Writing my blog, tweeting, co- moderating a tweet chat, attending events and walking in the Kaleidoscope of Hope walk. September is Gynecologic Cancer Awareness month and women need to know their risks. Some of you might say “Dee you do that every day, not just in September”. You are right but somehow the intensity of awareness is magnified this month.
Then there are the days when my stomach feels a bit odd or my back hurts more than normal. Could that mean my cancer is back? Is it because I talk about the symptoms and risks for ovarian cancer over and over this month? Or maybe I am worried as I close in on CT scan time. “Scanxiety” is rearing its ugly head yet again. After all it was early October 2008 when I had a scan that showed the cancer had returned on my spleen and liver.
After 8 years I know the cycle of ups and downs I go through in September. The good days certainly outnumber the not so good days. And it is the support of family and friends that gets me through it all.
Every Day is a Blessing!