Saturday, January 23, 2010

Still Recovering

I read this article the other day in the NY TIMES. It was called Healing Physically,Yet Still Not Whole. The writer, diagnosed 2 years ago is a stage 3 prostate cancer survivor. He writes about how cancer was a life changing event , how he needed to slow down , how he "... retreated into a chrysalis of healing" but how he still to this day needs to recover. It was very powerfully written.

He got me thinking I've been down this" healing" road twice. I've been through the first diagnosis, surgery, chemo treatments including the lost hair and back pains, and foot pains. My hair grew back I started feeling pretty good for two and a half years. Then I went through the CT shows spots phone call, the "it's BACK"feelings, subsequent surgery, chemo , hair loss, the reaction to one of the chemo drugs, the numb fingers and toes , the back pains. Then I was done with the chemo and disease free once again. My skin color returned. I had to change foundation colors during chemo because the other was too dark. My hair grew in salt and pepper and curly and my appetite returned. Maybe too good since I could use to loose a few pounds.

I have traveled and gotten back to doing everyday activities. Thing is I still need to take naps , when I go full tilt one day doing things around the house or out with Nick, the next day I am wiped out so that I can't concentrate and have trouble writing. And some days when the weather is cold, the toes on my left foot hurt and I kind of hobble around. I'm not complaining cause I am blessed and I am alive but I think people need to realize that being done with treatment is not being back to normal ( whatever normal is for a person who has had cancer).

Recently, I saw someone who I hadn't seen since my no hair / scarf days. She looked at me and said " You look great! I love your hair. I'm glad you feel so good" . I said, "Thanks". I do look ok. I am physically healed but you know what I'm still recovering.


Every Day is a Blessing! I am blessed by my husband and children


l'optimiste said...

This is a great post - I really identify with it.

you do look great! But I can imagine on the inside there are still all those gremlins. I have them too. But we'll beat them :o)

Kia Taylor said...

Still appropriate, it captures what we're all going through!!

Dee said...

Sandhy and Kia
Your comments mean so much to me. You ladies do such a fine job of conveying the emotions on this crazy journey we are on.