Answering a Question is Not Always Easy

Last week I was busy co-moderating and participating in the #gyncsm  chat on Care Beyond Medical Care. In response to the topic questions "What things do you find helpful in reducing stress? " I tweeted :

T3 to this day I use a mantra to reduce stress when I was waiting for tests and scans #gyncsm
— Women of Teal (@womenofteal) February 12, 2015

 The tweets were coming at me pretty quick so it was not until I was reading through the transcript to put together the resources for the #gyncsm blog did I realized one of the participants had asked me what my mantra was.

I have been pondering whether or not to respond to the question on twitter or here in a post. I realize that many things that are shared on social media may be ridiculed, made fun of and insulted. I've seen enough of that in the years I have been blogging and tweeting. So I have hesitated sharing my mantra.

When discussing the tools patients use to get themselves through some pretty debilitating surgeries,  chemotherapy or radiations treatments that go along with a cancer diagnosis there is seldom a mention of faith or religion or prayer or even spirituality. There is some research on faith/ spirituality  and the role it might play in the life of a person diagnosed with cancer. See sources below.

When people ask me what got me through my diagnosis and treatment I respond " My family, faith, good medicine, and good doctors ". Usually the discussion will then lean toward the clinical trial I was on or where I was treated.Very few people have asked me what about my faith had helped me. After getting that question on Twitter I thought it may just be time to share some of my thoughts. 

Let's begin with my mantra which is:

"With God All Things Are Possible". 

I can't say how often I have repeated the phrase over the past 10 years but believe me I have used it very,very frequently.

My faith and prayer helped me get through two surgeries and 16 chemotherapy treatments. When I couldn't sleep at night and I was pacing the floor I would say the Rosary and meditate on the mysteries. By the time I was done I was calmer and ready to go to sleep. I carried a mini rosary with me to every chemo treatment. I prayed to Saint Pope John Paul II and still carry a rosary in my pocket book that was blessed by Saint Pope John Paul II when he came to NJ.

Most recently I used the phrase when I went for a CT scan. As I waited for the nurse to find a vein for the IV contrast, I repeated the phrase to myself over and over. Then again as my body entered the donut-shaped machine and the voice said" Take a deep breath and hold it" I said the phrase again.

So faith has played a role in my life and in my journey with cancer. Have others had their faith or spirituality help them get through the rough times?

Dee
Every Day is a Blessing!


Sources:

Importance of Faith on Medical Decisions Regarding Cancer Care : http://jco.ascopubs.org/content/21/7/1379.abstract 

In God and CAM we trust. Religious faith and use of complementary and alternative medicine (CAM) in a nationwide cohort of women treated for early breast cancer

Spirituality in the cancer trajectory

 

Spending Time

For the past few days I have spent hours in church. Not just the normal one hour Mass on Sunday but the services on Thursday, Friday and Saturday known as the Easter Triduum. Attending those services gave me time to reflect on my cancer journey and my faith.

On Thursday I attended the Mass of the Lord's Supper. The Mass was bilingual, Spanish and English and I loved listening to my fellow parishioners singing hymns in both languages. I watched as the chrism for the Anointing of the Sick sacrament was brought to the altar by a parishioner with very little hair on her head but a look of reverence on her face. I thought of the times I received the sacrament. I was anointed with chrism before both of my cancer surgeries. Sitting in the pew on Thursday, I once again felt the grace and calm of the anointing. There might not be a scientific study to prove that grace from the sacrament calms and strengthens . What I do know is the calm and strength I felt facing my surgeries.

Friday afternoon I attended the Passion Service with Nick. We walked into church as the dark clouds and drizzle began. Was that what is was like as Jesus hung on the Cross? After reading the Passion, a group of parishioners walked a large wooden Cross to the altar. Holding it upright the group invited parishioners to come forward. Row by row parishioners- young and old and some in wheelchairs and walkers came forward and genuflected or gave the Cross a light kiss or gentle touch. The church was full so it was a long wait to get to the front of the line and revere the Cross. I expected that I would start to get antsy waiting. But not this time. The waiting was OK. I thought of times after my cancer diagnosis that I needed to wait - for my chemo to begin, to see my doctor, for my scans, the hour I layed in the PET scan machine having my test done, for the pains in my legs to stop, for my fingers to feel less numb, for my appetite to come back. Sometimes you can't rush the process you just have to wait - patiently. And so I sat. I thought about My Uncle Bruno, my Aunt Dora, a friend who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and another two friends who have had their ovarian cancer recur. I felt sad and once again in church my eyes filled up. And I prayed for all of them. And I continued to wait.

I thought about my clear scan results, my future grandson, being accepted to a special cancer advocate program and the speech my son, the crew coach, gave at his crew dinner. Life can be tough- Jesus knew that but it can also be very good. So I said a prayer of thanksgiving. It was my turn. Well worth the wait! Two hours later we quietly walked out of church.

We decided to attend the Easter Vigil Mass on Saturday night which meant spending even more time in church: 2 and a half hours to be exact. Not really a long time when you think about the time I was in treatment and was in bed due to fatigue. Two days per cycle I never left my bed. Two times fifteen cycles ( if you include my recurrence) makes thirty days. Those thirty days equal seven hundred and twenty hours. During those hours and many more the chemotherapy drugs were killing off the cancer cells. Two and a half hours celebrating the Easter Vigil was my spiritual medicine.

Happy Easter!

Dee

Every Day is a Blessing!

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

I have put off writing this post because I couldn't seem to find the right words.

Denise joined the Gynecological Cancer Support Group at CINJ and quickly became a friend. On Tuesday, I received an e-mail from her daughter,Kofi. I never met Denise's daughter in person. But I felt I knew her from how warmly she spoke of her and the photos Denise shared of her when Kofi's daughter was born. It was not the e-mail I wanted to read. "On October 24, 2010 at 12:45, angels descended from heaven and brought my mother Denise home for her eternal rest. "

That line took my breath away. I kept thinking "No, not Denise too". Loosing friends to cancer is becoming more and more difficult for me to handle.

Today I thought of the essay that begins "People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. ". Denise came in to my life for a reason. There have been very few people these past few years who I could frankly speak to about faith in God and its impact on how we live as ovarian cancer survivors with the constant threat of a recurrence . Denise was one of those people. She knew scripture better than I did but she made me feel comfortable enough to easily share my feelings and thoughts about God, my faith and how the love of God can make this journey easier. As I looked back through e-mails I found one from March where I wrote to Denise- "I just knew He had you walk into my life for a reason. " Amen.

Thank you Denise for all your support. I will miss you.

Dee

Every Day is a Blessing ! Thank you God for the chance you gave me to grow in faith through my friendship with Denise.