Memories and Change

One thing I can say on this journey with cancer is that Change is Inevitable. 

In 2006,  after I finished treatment for ovarian cancer,  I started attending a gyn cancer support group at  The Wellness Community of Central New Jersey which later became the Cancer Support Community of Central NJ  and is now Crossroads 4 Hope. I was so happy to be with other women who had been diagnosed with a gynecologic cancer. They "got it". I would drive from Edison to Bedminster to touch base with some amazing and inspiring women.  I attended art classes that were offered, educational sessions and my favorite presentation "Bogeyman in the Closet "dealing with the worries of recurrence.

I stopped attending the group during my recurrence and started up again when I finished treatment.

As my advocacy work grew, I not only attended the support group but also made presentations to other cancer survivors too. In 2008, after attending two LiveSTRONG Survivor Summits, I presented Advocacy 101. In 2011, I spoke on Reading Between The Lines in which I offered advice on how to critically read cancer research news.  In March 2012, I presented Survivor to Survivor: Understanding Cancer Research, on understanding how researchers report trial results in journal articles. 

After moving further from Bedminster,  I missed a number of in-person meetings but managed to attend a few every year. I loved this group. There were a few women who had been going for a number of years like me and a new group but it didn't really matter because there was always an atmosphere of strong support and understanding. 

When the Covid Pandemic started all the groups were switched to online Zoom meeting. I once again joined in.  The women in this group were newly diagnosed ovarian cancer and endometrial cancer survivors. I was the "old timer". We spent time talking about treatments, and genetic testing along with Covid testing, masking, vaccinations and our higher risk of contracting Covid. We lost two women during Covid. Although I never met them in person, I still felt their loss. 

In December,  the last meeting of the gyn cancer support group was held. There were 3 women in person and two of us online. The five of us were the core group on Zoom during Covid. There is hope to have some special programs for gyn cancer survivors in the future. In the meantime we can stay in touch through email. I am sad but understand the reasons for stopping and I appreciate the opportunity to have met so many amazing women and their families too, through this support  group.

Today as I was checking my contact list on my cell phone for a friend's number,  I ran across Lois's number, then Dawn's , then Carol's , then Rosemary's, then Diane's.  All these women were friends and their lives were cut short due to ovarian cancer. Some of them almost 10 years ago some two years ago.   I hesitated for a little bit as I came across each name. I thought of the impact they made in my life as survivors, advocates and friends. Wonderful memories of fundraising events sharing delicious food, meetings in the diner, support group meetings and KOH walks. We were all very different and I am not so sure our paths would have crossed if we had not all had a cancer diagnosis but I am so glad they did. 

Then I hit delete. I don't need their numbers, I just need the memories of having them in my life. 

Dee

Every Day is a blessing.

 

Cancer Support Community and Rutgers Cancer Institute of New Jersey Programs

I want to share with my readers two programs brought to you by the Cancer Support Community of Central NJ and Rutgers Cancer Institute of New Jersey .

A New Support Program:

This other program being offered I took part in a few years ago when I finished treatment for my recurrence. I learned exercise techniques and nutritional tips during Cancer Transitions that I still use today. You should definitely consider joining the 6 week series.

 

Dee

Every Day is a Blessing! Blessed that the needs of cancer survivors are being  addressed.

I feel so ...

I know I haven't posted in a while. Actually, I've been working on this post for a while editing and adding to it. 

A few weeks ago a very dear friend's husband passed away from prostate cancer. I knew he had no treatment options left but it still came as a shock to me. He had been a vibrant 61 year old who had retired to spend time with his wife, children and grandchildren.

It sure didn't seem fair. Cancer does that - it takes good people. Don't get me wrong I am sure it takes the lives of not so great people too. But it is torture for those with cancer and those on the journey with us.

My first thought when I heard the news was what it would be like for me if my rock, my husband of 37 years, passed away.  I don't know how I would handle it. How could I get through a funeral. And then what would happen the first time I couldn't open a jar or move a piece of furniture ? Or what happens when I feel sick and still have to walk Amber in the rain or snow? Or how do I make meals for one?

But them another odd feeling came over me. How could I face my friend.  How could I, NED for 5 years since my recurrence face my friend. Would she look and me and think - why are you still here and my husband is gone?

I felt wary of going to the wake and seeing her for the first time since her husband's death. I hesitated getting out of the car and entering the funeral home. I  waited on line and finally reached her two sons. They called me by name gave me a hug and thanked me for coming. Then I moved over to my friend. She teared up - and so did I as we hugged and I told her how sorry I was. Then she told me that she prays for me every day because having cancer sucks.Yes, it sure does. But she wasn't angry at me and that made me feel so much better.

But I continued thinking about my friend and her husband and even mentioned them during my monthly gynecologic cancer support group. When it came to my turn to update everyone I told the group how unnerving it was for me, a survivor, to face my friend when her husband died. Then I asked the women, a majority are currently in treatment, if it was OK for them to hear my reports on being NED.  At times I felt guilty about being in good health among all these women struggling to make treatment decisions and dealing with side effects. Every single one of them said they were happy I was at the group and that my presence gave them hope. Those words brought tears to my eyes and I could once again bury my survivor's guilt for a little while longer.

Cancer changes your life and your outlook on life in more ways than you can imagine.

Dee
Every Day is a Blessing!