Thursday, May 29, 2014

It Was Only A...

Stomach bug.
I know that now but I still went through a few days of worry.

Last Friday I woke up tired. And I can't say that I had a sleepless night. Rather I felt rested but after a mid-day lunch with ladies from my community I came home and took a nap. Maybe I should say I went back to sleep for almost 2 hours. And I thought - gee I felt really tired right before I was diagnosed the first time. Did I think I had cancer then? No. But here I was tired and the first thing that came to mind was cancer. The second thing I thought of was the high pollen counts and how maybe I was tired due to allergies.

The next morning my stomach was upset and I  didn't feel like eating but I told myself "get up and out and you might feel better". And that is what I did even though I didn't feel energetic at all. We went to evening Mass and I ate breakfast food ( scrambles eggs / french toast) for dinner just because I didn't want to eat anything to heavy. But within an hour  I got what I call, "grumbly in my tummy",  and had some abdominal pain and cramping and felt even more sick to my stomach and ,well,  let's just say I visited the bathroom more times than usual.

Of course when I woke up on Sunday feeling full and not wanting to eat because I was nauseous my thoughts once again went straight to - bloating , feeling full quickly, upset stomach- the symptoms of ovarian cancer. Oh cr*p, I thought. Just when I thought I was out of the woods. Then of course I started calculating if it was a recurrence would I be done with treatment before my son gets married next year. And I started thinking about how I might have to cancel my attendance at MedX in September. See how my mind works and worries. I spent the day reading and my diet was tea and toast and a little plain pasta for dinner.

Monday I woke up feeling pretty darn good. And now, well,  I feel back to normal.

In a few online groups that I participate in the topic of worrying about a recurrence at the least bit of abdominal discomfort comes up quite frequently. So I know that other women go through the same anxious periods. So even five years out from finishing chemo for my recurrence my thoughts still go directly to another recurrence any time my stomach is upset. Not sure if and when these thoughts might go away forever but I am glad to put this incidence behind me. I just keep having to tell myself - give the symptoms time ( at least 2 weeks ) before I get too nutty.

Every Day is a Blessing! Blessed by a husband who deals with my recurrence fears with a smile.

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