Is Cancer A Gift? A Book Review

Have you ever been asked if cancer was a gift?  I’ve thought about how I would answer the question many times. Sometimes I say, yes it has been a gift of sorts. It is not one I would buy myself but having cancer has certainly gifted me with a number of wonderful relationships and opportunities that I would never have had without my ovarian cancer diagnosis. Other times, I think cancer is the worst part of my life. I hate it and the organs it has taken, the lives it has taken, and the pain it still inflicts ten years later. 

Nancy Stordahl (@NancysPoint) writes the blog, Nancy’s Point (www.NancysPoint.com). I‘ve followed her on Twitter and read her blog for a few years. Recently she published a memoir about  being diagnosed with breast cancer. Nancy decided to take on the question of whether or not cancer is a gift not only inside her book but in it's title, Cancer Was Not a Gift & It Didn’t Make Me a Better Person. 

Why would I, an ovarian cancer survivor, want to read a book about breast cancer? What I’ve found over the past ten years is that regardless of the type of cancer, the lives of a person diagnosed with cancer or who had a loved one diagnosed with cancer have many things in common.  I also have a personal connection with breast cancer. Both my sister and my maternal aunt passed away from the disease. Lastly,  I wanted to hear Nancy's reasons for stating cancer was not a gift in her title. I already knew she disliked the term journey. (I use the term journey all the time to describe the time since my diagnosis ten years ago.)

Last week, I picked up the book and began reading. It was as if I had met Nancy for a cup of tea and she was telling me about herself  growing up, falling in love, facing her mother's cancer and her own. Although we grew up in different parts of the US our childhoods were similar. She was the youngest of three sisters as was I. We differ in that she had a younger brother.  Early in the book she described weaving Juicy Fruit gum wrappers into chains. I remember doing the same thing. I could smell the sweetness of the gum as I read that part of the book.  That was it , I couldn't put the book down.

Nancy chose to not only write about her breast cancer diagnosis (2010) in this memoir but also her mother's breast cancer diagnosis (2004).  She poignantly describes her mom's experience. She talks about learning of the BRCA2 mutation in her family and the impact this knowledge had on her and her family.  Reading the book you can feel the love Nancy had for her mother and how important it was for Nancy to be at her mother's side as her health declined.  Once again I felt this strong connection.  I thought about the last few days of my Aunt Dora's life. I also felt this strong need to be with her till the end. It just so happens that her mother's birthday is the same day as my Aunt's birthday - June 8th.

When Nancy learns that she has breast cancer she shares with the reader her darkest feelings of loneliness and fear.  She expresses her concern about hair loss and ability to work during treatment and she grieves the loss of her breasts in a way that we all can relate to. But her book is not gloomy rather it is frank. It is a story of a life. The loving relationship she has with husband and family is weaved into her story. Her need to protect them from the damage being caused by the "Deleterious  Mutation" and to have them understand her feelings of loss and fear is apparent. As is her love of her two dogs, her " secret keepers " who console her as she cries. 

 

She speaks about her role as caregiver and as patient.  She describes the waiting rooms with "answers to cancer in tidy 4x8  pamphlets. " and  how patients are asked to be "more adaptable than machines". She describes the actions of the doctors and nurses who get it right. And points out the ones whose don't.  A quick, "You'll be fine" on exiting the room may not be what a patient needs to hear. You are so right, Nancy.

I could go on and offer you more examples of why I loved this book so much but I want you to go to the order page on Nancy's site, order it, read it. This way you can smile, laugh and cry like I did as Nancy shares her story with you. 

"Cancer does not define me, not totally anyway." Very true, Nancy.

Dee

Every Day is a Blessing! Blessed to have Nancy share her story with the world.

Sharing a Cancer Diagnosis - Sometimes It Takes Time

When I was first diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer in 2005 , I told my family and close friends. I told my employer, a local all boys high school, about my surgery and treatment. I even had a letter to my students published in the school newspaper. In the letter I told them I had ovarian cancer, that I was going take part in a clinical trial, that I would be bald , and why I would not be able to teach while I was in treatment. I also asked my students to share information about ovarian cancer with their mom, grandmas, sisters and aunts.

Because I was enrolled in that clinical trial, I was asked in early 2006 to share my story in the Star-Ledger, a state-wide newspaper. I spoke to the reporter for about a half hour and then she asked me if she could use my full name and send a photographer to my house to take some photos. I was ok with having a photo taken. I was bald and pale but that really didn't bother me that much. But at that time, two short months after my diagnosis I was just not ready to share my story with more than my local community.What I was not ready to do was to have one of my students read about the survival rate and think I would not survive. I don't think even I wanted to face those statistics at that time. So I declined having my story published.

How things have changed during the past few years. I found my voice. I think making it through that first year and end up in remission gave me the strength to become an ovarian cancer advocate. Since that first request I have told my story in this blog, on two different ovarian cancer foundation websites, in NJ Monthly, on the TV show Good Morning NY, at a number of ovarian cancer foundation events and in numerous local and state newspapers. I kept telling my story even after I recurred in 2008. Why ? Because women need to know that others do survive a late stage ovarian cancer diagnosis.

Yet there are other women who do not want to share their story. It is their right to share as much or as little of their journey as they would like. And you know ... that is ok.

So why did I choose today to write about sharing a cancer diagnosis? A number of business news shows this morning reported that Apple CEO, Steven Jobs was taking a medical leave of absence. There was lots of speculation as too why he needed the leave including his pancreatic cancer diagnosis, how he looked at the last meeting and his liver transplant. CNBC interviewed and ethicist regarding what information Apple should or should not release about this leave. An Apple media release stated that Steve Jobs will still be involved in important decisions but the COO , Tim Cook, will be responsible for the day to day operations.

Steve Jobs might be a CEO but he is also a person with a family. So folks let us give him a little room to deal with whatever is causing him to take this leave. When the time is right for Steve Jobs to share with the world what is happening he will. And we need to respect him as a survivor to make that choice.

Dee

Ever Day is a Blessing!